trying to blog more

So I am going to try and blog more. I was going along fine exercising and starting to shed some fat and wham my good fortune ran dry. I took an ugly spill off an aerobic step and broke my foot, tore 2 ligaments and ripped up a tendon. I am dreading the fact that I will regain the few lbs I lost and then more. I guess that part of me needs the sweets and ice cream to soothe the soul. My soul you see is 66% empty every day of the week and every other Saturday for one hour its full but the rest of the time its a huge, giant void that nothing can fill. If you know my deal you know why 2/3 of who I am is missing and who they are. I dont think I will ever forgive the person behind the masterminding of that scheme to leave me this way and I guess anger is good thing sometimes. I cant be numb forever or shelve those feelings away. I was supposed to be tough and strong and I walked around for a day with a broken foot before going to the ER but emotionally I am weak and fragile these days. The latest in poison pen emails set me back but again I think I need to deal with these demons and not pretend they dont exist. I wish I could find something other than hot fudge and hershey bars to soothe this crushing pain, for a time it was exercise and I need to heal myself inside and out before I can go any further. To the three miracles I created and raised until a few yrs ago I will wait for you and open my heart to you always. You have never left my mind and I know all you do is because you have to. I forgive you for that and I love you more than you could ever know.