The Attack Plan!

So after I had my Auntie Annie's pretzel which was slathered in salt and butter and washed it down with a DIET coke, an oxymoron in itself, I thought how am I going to do this? For some time I have been looking at options, Weight Watchers, Atkins etc. I did a large amount of research on the FDA approved medication orlistat which is now sold over the counter as Alli. It is something that won't cause high blood pressure or other effects because it works in your belly to block some of the fat you eat from being absorbed. Fat calories are the hardest to get rid of and the worst kind to take it. Thats a no brainer there. Alli wont be a magic pill or an answer to why I over eat and why I love to eat the wrong foods but it will enhance the effects of a healthy lifestyle. There are effects if you dont follow the plan which are basically farts with oily spotting, greasy filled stools and sudden or hard to control bowel movements. For those who know about my job and where I am housed this year, I teach five classes in different rooms. Its not easy to get to the bathroom period and the thought of crapping myself in front of 30 kids is a great deterrent from eating a Whopper and paying for it. I signed up online after buying a small smarter kit of Alli and it gave me the calorie count and fat count of what I need to eat each day, 1600 calories and no more than 17 grams of fat per meal. Alli works on what you have eaten for one hour before taking the pill and 2-3 hours after. I also plan to add the exercise into my routine. When and how is an entity of its own to figure out but even if I walk in the fieldhouse aka the gym at school for a half an hour or pound the pavement of MHS during hall duty its better than just sitting there like I have been. I want to teach my kids good habits and be here for them. I have a fear that on Friday I will fail the glucose test and be diagnosed with diabetes or pre diabetes. There is cardiac disease in my mothers family that has caused heart attacks, strokes, blocked arteries, bypass surgeries, stents, valve replacements and ultimately death. I don't want to be part of those stats. Lets just hope for now I can manage the "effects" of the alli and get started in baby steps by losing a few pounds!!!

It hurt me when my hunny said to me Gee We're a couple of loads when he saw this picture. I plan to have a bathing suit ready body to post on June 1!

Starting out

Well where do I even begin? Here I am at, 35 ripe years old with five kids. And I am FAT. Not just a little chunky anymore. I am jiggly, rolled, rippled, full of varicose veins, stretch marks, cellulite and just miserable. I need to take back control of my body and my life.

So I have chosen the New Year to commence a new me. I am tired of doing for everyone else and not getting anything back in return. I am the fixer, the giver, the one who does things because no one else will. Yet my needs go un noticed and unfulfilled. Not anymore!

I used to be the girl who shopped at 5-7-9 and wore a size 0. My mother praised me and bought me prizes for being a reformed skinny girl. I was overweight from Middle School til freshman year of High School then I got sick with alot of stomach problems, Mono and I lost all that weight. But through all of that I still had an affair with food. I love and I hate food. I want to not care about food and only eat because I have to not to have a passion and love for food the way I do. The smells, the textures, the wash of pleasure that comes from the first bite of something I love.

Food has been my friend. Not a kind one to my body but food soothes me when I sad, angry, scared or hurt. Food celebrates with me. It is what I think about many hours each day. It sits in a basket a top a table in the department office at work telling me the other women there like it too and its okay to have some candy or chips cause its what you do during your prep.

I stood in the fitting room at NY and Company yesterday and I could not fit well into size 16 pants. Their XL tops and sweaters clung to my rolls and chub. I could see why my mother bought me 1X or 2X sweaters. I am, truly AM that big. And thats not acceptable to me anymore. I bought a pretzel and savored it soothing my shattered self imagine and debated getting a nice butter pecan cone from Friendlys. I would have if I didnt realize it was only eleven in the morning. I vowed it was time to unleash the skinny girl trapped in the fat woman's body.