Well where do I even begin? Here I am at, 35 ripe years old with five kids. And I am FAT. Not just a little chunky anymore. I am jiggly, rolled, rippled, full of varicose veins, stretch marks, cellulite and just miserable. I need to take back control of my body and my life.
So I have chosen the New Year to commence a new me. I am tired of doing for everyone else and not getting anything back in return. I am the fixer, the giver, the one who does things because no one else will. Yet my needs go un noticed and unfulfilled. Not anymore!
I used to be the girl who shopped at 5-7-9 and wore a size 0. My mother praised me and bought me prizes for being a reformed skinny girl. I was overweight from Middle School til freshman year of High School then I got sick with alot of stomach problems, Mono and I lost all that weight. But through all of that I still had an affair with food. I love and I hate food. I want to not care about food and only eat because I have to not to have a passion and love for food the way I do. The smells, the textures, the wash of pleasure that comes from the first bite of something I love.
Food has been my friend. Not a kind one to my body but food soothes me when I sad, angry, scared or hurt. Food celebrates with me. It is what I think about many hours each day. It sits in a basket a top a table in the department office at work telling me the other women there like it too and its okay to have some candy or chips cause its what you do during your prep.
I stood in the fitting room at NY and Company yesterday and I could not fit well into size 16 pants. Their XL tops and sweaters clung to my rolls and chub. I could see why my mother bought me 1X or 2X sweaters. I am, truly AM that big. And thats not acceptable to me anymore. I bought a pretzel and savored it soothing my shattered self imagine and debated getting a nice butter pecan cone from Friendlys. I would have if I didnt realize it was only eleven in the morning. I vowed it was time to unleash the skinny girl trapped in the fat woman's body.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Michelle: I think you are beautiful inside and out!!!! But I hear you on the need to change...I plan on it too so I am here for you to lean on for support when ever you need it. I wish you the best in completeing your goal for June 1st. I forsee us hanging out at the beach or pool with our kids this summer in our bikinis...Okay maybe not bikinis but looking good in a bathing suit. xoxox. Kim
ReplyDeleteGO MICHELLE!!!!!!!! I am proud of you for taking control of your life! You are such a wonderful, supportive person to everyone. It is time for you to focus on you for a while. I wish you the best with your new goal for YOURSELF!! Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteGo Michelle! So proud of you and love your blog so far! I will do this with you! But you are a day ahead of me!!!!!!!!!! I'm rootin' for ya! :)
ReplyDelete